Blog Posts

ME/CFS Choices - The Holiday Bustle

12/10/2019

Before I was sick with ME/CFS, the holidays were a blur of activities in addition to the normal work and family commitments. A Healthy person struggled to get it all done.

Then I went through four holiday seasons struggling with ME/CFS. For two of them, I was bedridden for most of each day. As is often the norm for ME/CFS sufferers, I was pretty hard on myself. All I could think of were the special holiday things that my kids and family weren’t enjoying because of me. But I couldn’t do anything about it. So those holidays passed with me needlessly feeling down.

Then came a holiday season when I was feeling stronger – not fully well but better. And of course, true to form, I wanted to make up for the ‘lost holidays’. Lessons can be tough to learn. Gratefully, I had people around me and a voice in my own head that said, “Do only what you enjoy and can handle - let the rest go.”

Now that I am fully well, our holidays are still scaled down and we all like it that way. It’s more like a delightful sampling of what the season offers than a forced and frenzied banquet. We don’t do every activity every year. We switch it out. Our gift giving is mostly donations to charities, Yankee Swaps (even with family) and special consumables (wine, soup mixes, teas, etc). We haven’t sent cards in years. I’m thinking I might send an e-card this year. Maybe…

How do you get through this season without straining your energy limits and pushing yourself into relapses? What do you happily forego from the holiday hustle and bustle list? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Attitude – Find Thankfulness

11/26/2019

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When I sat down to blog about Thanksgiving, I looked at what I had written last year. I can’t do a better job of expressing how I feel about this holiday and struggling with ME/CFS at the same time. So here it is again:

Thanksgiving traditionally generates clichés about thankfulness. The mantra basically goes like this: Be thankful for what you DO have, not what is missing. Most of us would agree with this outlook. It is better to focus on the positive. But it isn’t easy to do especially when you’ve been struggling with ME/CFS for a year or for 20 years.

When I was sick, I would allow myself to indulge in some self pity around this time of year but I knew that was totally unproductive and a waste of what little energy I had. I would then get irritated with myself for my self-centered attitude and so just added more negativity to my load. But it can be unfair to expect a person who is struggling with a body that can’t handle normal activity to be upbeat, positive and ultimately thankful.

So as the rest of the world around me went about their daily routines, I would look at my life and try to find something to be thankful for. Mostly, I focused on the few people around me who understood what I was going through and supported me in large and small ways. I made a point to tell them how much I appreciated what they did.

And after I let go of the negativity toward myself, I realized that I needed to appreciate the work I did all year long. The work of getting well again. Sticking to the snails pace recovery, following the protocol when I didn’t want to and being present in my life in whatever way I could realistically handle.

Are you finding things to be thankful for? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

And for you and all of your loved ones,
I wish you a warm and Bountiful Thanksgiving,
Be Well Again,
Martha

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Recovery Opinions – Some More Hopeful Than Others

11/12/2019

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ME/CFS patients seem to be firmly in either the ‘can’ or ‘can’t’ recover camps. As one might guess, most of the opinions can to be related to whether or not each has been able to recover. And then there are the rest: fence sitters who are hopeful and want recovery to be possible.

For me, I keep coming back to what I feel is so unfair about this ME/CFS diagnosis. The fact the even though thousands of patients get this label, they actually don’t all have the same disease. So using the same treatment and approach, two patients can have completely different outcomes. Or one has great success and the other minimal improvement. Yes, I believe that ME/CFS patients can recover. Can they all recover using the same treatment? No. Can they recover using the same protocol and strategies? Call me crazy but my answer is yes.

My training as a health professional drilled into me two things: first, despite all the marvelous progress that medicine had made over the last century, we still only know and understand a small portion of the intricacies of the human body. Second, the way that we learn things is to collect data, hypothesize, test, evaluate and then collect more data, etc.

Personal data collection (yes, I keep harping on this) and successful strategies seem to be the way out for many. Have you developed any strategies that work for you? Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Progress - Look How Far You've Come

10/29/2019

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There’s an endless fence that runs along the edge of our yard. The mower can’t get the weeds that grow close to it so not being fond of weed whacking, we’ve been watching them grow and grow. After discussing how unsightly they had become, we decided to dig up the weeds along the fence and mulch. You probably know where this is going.

After three hours of digging, pulling, hauling and mulching, we had completed four sections. We were sweaty, caked with dirt and tired. My son observed that the fence was so long that it didn’t feel like we made any progress for all the work we’d done. Of course, it reminded me of my struggle with ME/CFS and the days that I felt the same way about how slow my recovery seemed to be. Some weeks, I didn’t think I was any closer to being well again despite all my efforts at following the protocol and ‘doing the right things’.

Standing at the fence, it was my turn to say, “Don’t look at how far we have to go, look at how far we’ve come.” That’s what my advocate said to me when I was struggling with ME/CFS and couldn’t see the improvements in my health. It was helpful to hear, “six months ago, you had to sit during a shower and someone had to wash your hair because you couldn’t hold your arms up over your head for that long.” It was true. Six months later, I could take a shower standing up. OK, I had to rest before and after but it was progress.

So this morning before the heat cranked up, we finished eight more sections in our third round of digging and mulching. We still have a long way to go – not quite half way yet but what we’ve finished looks great. And when you think about the long path to recovery from ME/CFS, remember to look at how far you’ve come. Are you seeing progress? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Perception – The Crazy Stigma

10/15/2019

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Over the weekend I was talking with someone about how people change when they go through a personal struggle that challenges them to their core. By comparison, other difficulties in everyday life are less stressful and seem easier to handle. And of course, I began to think about my ME/CFS days and how much I have changed – maybe even gained – in my more robust ability to weather the tribulations of a healthy life.

This person didn’t know me when I was sick and I was about to mention my ME/CFS struggle but I hesitated. The stigma of ‘mental weakness’ or crazy has always been attached to ME/CFS. Whenever I had told someone that I was once sick with ME/CFS, I would see that association flash across their face. Suddenly, even though they had only seen me healthy, I was dropped down a few notches in their estimation. I became less then whole. Damaged with the potential to be weak or needy. Maybe even a burden. So, I hesitated.

Then I thickened my skin and plunged forward, knowing that the more we talk about ME/CFS, and the more we engage with the main stream, the better the odds of getting to the answers for this cruel disease. And as I voiced that I had once been bedridden with ME/CFS, the response was OK. Better than I expected but it was still tinged with a bit of stigma. And it renewed my determination to be part of the conversation because so many of those who are struggling with ME/CFS frequently disappear from view.

Are you getting the crazy stigma when you talk about ME/CFS? How are you dealing with it? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Isolation – Be Connected and Get Help

10/8/2019

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I was recently in a remote place with no cell service and no access to WiFi. At first it was bliss. No phone ringing. No text messages requiring immediate response. No daily diet of news feed. Just quiet and my own thoughts. But of course, I eventually felt a bit isolated and disconnected. It reminded me of when I was struggling with ME/CFS and how alone I felt at times.

We are trained in our culture to be independent. To be strong and capable. The old ‘boot strap’ adage comes to mind. We believe that people who are dependent are weak. They are inadequate. We somehow learn not to ask for help. Then we find ourselves in a situation like ME/CFS where we need to ask for help and we can’t. We don’t want to be a bother or impose. We don’t want to appear weak or needy.

So, we find ourselves struggling with ME/CFS, which is a cruel disease that leaves us feeling better one day and crashing the next, and we’re fearful of asking for the help – which could be key to our recovery – because we’ll be seen as weak and ‘just depressed’. Doubly cruel.

It’s important to take a good look around and see those in your life who could help. Make an effort to connect. Make an effort to explain what’s happening to you. If you’ve read my book, give it to them and ask them to read it. If people don’t understand what you’re going through, it’s hard to support you.

One lesson I learned after I was fully well again – people who cared, who wanted to be connected and who wanted to help had no idea what to do. They need your help to understand and to know how to help you. Divide up your needs into smaller pieces so it won’t be too much for one person. What are you doing to be connected and to get help? What are your strategies ? What works for you? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Pacing – Protect Part of Your Day

10/1/2019

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When you’re struggling to recover from ME/CFS, pacing is one of the most difficult challenges. It’s too easy to get caught up in the flow of the day and lose control of what you had intended. We quickly can become victim to over doing and triggering a relapse. It can be absolutely maddening. We know what we need to do and not do. We have planned out the day. It’s in alignment with the protocol we’re following and we know if we follow the plan then we will have a successful, positive day.

Then the unpredictable, real world seems to take over. By the late afternoon we’ve either blown the plan to bits or we’re barely on track just hanging on. And we seem to do this way too often. OK, we’re human and we can forgive our weaknesses. But ME/CFS is not forgiving. ME/CFS is opportunistic and just waiting for an opening to assert itself like an energy gremlin. So what to do?

One of the strategies I used was to plan my day with built in breaks. I would sandwich them around the most demanding part of the day and sometimes also right in the middle if need be. I would have ‘optional’ parts of the day that I could opt out of depending on my energy levels and what else was still required of me. Essentially, I planned for the unpredictable. I gave myself space in the day to rest and to do whatever self-care I needed.

How are you pacing for the unpredictable? What part of your day do you protect? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again.
Martha

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ME/CFS Change – New Beginnings

9/10/2019

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Although the official beginning of Fall will arrive on the Autumnal Equinox, the days after the long Labor Day weekend and the sighting of a morning school bus bring on the feel of the changing season. Although some of us would enjoy an extra week or two of August weather, it’s time. And nature reinforces that with the cooler nights and comfortable daytime temps. When I was first sick with ME/CFS, I would grind on myself about another season come and gone – wasted – while I languished in bed. I was still caught up in the desperate search to find someone who could cure me.

Then I finally began to realize that there wasn’t a silver bullet – even now, I’m sad that there isn’t – and that I needed a new approach. A change - A new beginning. I had been doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome – as we all know, that’s the definition of insanity. And yes, anyone would get a little insane if they knew they were physically ill but no one could or would provide some answers.

Many of us find change to be outside of our comfort zones. But change is the way forward for many of life’s challenges. ME/CFS is no exception. It wasn’t until I took a hard look at myself and my specific version of ME/CFS that I began to heal and work my way back to full health. Soap box – Are you keeping a daily journal?

What change will you bring to your approach to ME/CFS? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays and consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Answers – Look Within

8/27/2019

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Several decades ago everyone was wearing buttons. It was the rage at the time and we Americans totally obliged. I was slow to the party. There really wasn’t something so important that I wanted to assert it everywhere I went. Then I saw a button that called to me. It simply said – Begin Within. Yes, this was a perspective that I knew well and would want to impart to all. Skip forward to last week when I was rummaging thru a drawer and found it. I was thinking about how this simple wisdom was the key to my struggle with ME/CFS.

It wasn’t until I stopped looking for answers from others and looked within. That’s where I finally found the answers. Of course, they weren’t spelled out in big letters. They were hidden in my version of ME/CFS. I had to do the work to find them but they were there. Once I got on track with my daily record, the answers started to slowly surface. Not in days or weeks, but months and years. It took patience and pacing but it all started when I understood that I needed to – Begin Within.

Have you discovered some important clues to your recovery by beginning within? What strategies have worked for you? Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Self-Care – Knowing Our Limits

7/23/2019

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Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about self-care. And it got me thinking about what we know about our limits and what we do for others knowing that we will exceed those limits. Our wish to please the people we care about and to do for them somehow overrides all we’ve learned about self-care and especially everything we know about recovery from ME/CFS.

I was reminded of a book I first read in my twenties when I was babysitting - “The Giving Tree” by Shel Silverstein. Maybe you’re familiar with it. On first reading, I thought it was a lovely story about love and what a parent will give selflessly to a child. At the time I saw it from the viewpoint of a child thinking about my mother and her love for me. The next time I read the book, I was a parent myself and I was reading to my child. My fond memory of the book was dashed as I turned each page and read how the main character, a tree, gave and gave and gave to ‘the boy’ until she was nothing but a lifeless stump. And even then, she still gave by letting the now aged boy sit on her.

Healthy people often struggle with self-care choices. As ME/CFS patients we make daily decisions about self-care – energy levels, rest needs, symptom management and recovery protocols. And despite all we have learned, we somehow ‘decide’ to push ourselves too far for our loved ones. Who are we fooling? How do we keep within our limits? How do we communicate honestly with our loved ones? How do we show our love without suffering a set back? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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Forward>>

ME/CFS Choices - The Holiday Bustle

ME/CFS Attitude – Find Thankfulness

Recovery Opinions – Some More Hopeful Than Others

ME/CFS Progress - Look How Far You've Come

ME/CFS Perception – The Crazy Stigma

ME/CFS Isolation – Be Connected and Get Help

ME/CFS Pacing – Protect Part of Your Day

ME/CFS Change – New Beginnings

ME/CFS Answers – Look Within

ME/CFS Self-Care – Knowing Our Limits

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