It happens to me every year around the middle of March.  Although I don’t see the signs of change in myself yet, one of my window plants catches my notice.  There’s a new vibrancy in its color or maybe even a tiny sprout where a dead leaf has been dropped.  Something triggers my attentiveness and before I’ve cognitively made the connection, I’m trimming, repotting and fertilizing all my plants.
 
What my plants have all been responding to, and what I’m also caught up in, are the longer days with brighter light streaming in my windows.  And I think back to my ME/CFS days and remember how hard it was day after day, week after week and month after month to keep my spirits up.  To remember my resolve to keep to the protocol, to allow myself the space to heal, and most importantly to cut myself the mental slack I needed.  The only time I didn’t need to be intentional about being upbeat was when the light began to get noticeably brighter at this time of year.  There’s a reaction to the increasing daylight that we experience on a cellular level.  I’m sure there are reams of scientific studies that have investigated this response but I don’t need to read them.  My sense of renewal and optimism are palpable.  And during my ME/CFS struggle, it was natural to see this NOT as the marking of another year of this cruel illness, but as the beginning of the year when my progress would get me to the next health plateau – the next stage of recovery.
 
I’m hoping that you are able to harness this brighter light and natural source of anticipation to carry you successfully along your path back to wellness.  Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

When I sat down to blog about Thanksgiving, I looked at what I had written last year.  I can’t do a better job of expressing how I feel about this holiday and struggling with ME/CFS at the same time.  So here it is again:
 
Thanksgiving traditionally generates clichés about thankfulness.  The mantra basically goes like this:  Be thankful for what you DO have, not what is missing.  Most of us would agree with this outlook.  It is better to focus on the positive.  But it isn’t easy to do especially when you’ve been struggling with ME/CFS for a year or for 20 years.
 
When I was sick, I would allow myself to indulge in some self pity around this time of year but I knew that was totally unproductive and a waste of what little energy I had.  I would then get irritated with myself for my self-centered attitude and so just added more negativity to my load.  But it can be unfair to expect a person who is struggling with a body that can’t handle normal activity to be upbeat, positive and ultimately thankful.
 
So as the rest of the world around me went about their daily routines, I would look at my life and try to find something to be thankful for.  Mostly, I focused on the few people around me who understood what I was going through and supported me in large and small ways.  I made a point to tell them how much I appreciated what they did.
 
And after I let go of the negativity toward myself, I realized that I needed to appreciate the work I did all year long.  The work of getting well again.  Sticking to the snails pace recovery, following the protocol when I didn’t want to and being present in my life in whatever way I could realistically handle.
 
Are you finding things to be thankful for?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

And for you and all of your loved ones,
I wish you a warm and Bountiful Thanksgiving,
Be Well Again,
Martha

A few summers ago, I spent a weekend with my niece and her young family at the lake.  My grandniece was three and was so much like my daughter was at that age – the bright smile and giggly laugh.  The difference is that I could play with her, dance with her and even pick her up.  When my daughter was a baby, I was in the depths of ME/CFS and couldn’t hold a glass of water let alone a fifteen pound baby.  I missed my daughters’ time as a baby and toddler.  Even when she was three, I was still unable to pick her up or do active play with her.
 
Did I miss out on an experience that I can never get back?  One could look at it that way.  And of course, I can’t get it back with my daughter.  But spending time with my grandniece was such a wonderful gift.  It was like recovering that lost experience.  And my daughter was there too.  She had just turned twenty-two.  It was a joy to see her holding her cousin on her hip and playing with her.
 
If I had tried to ‘do it all’ with my daughter, I know that I would still be struggling with ME/CFS.  It had such a profound hold on me that it took dedicated focus, to the exclusion of all else, to get well - even the joys of my daughters’ babyhood.  I did find ways to enjoy her and be her Mom but they needed to be energetically limited.  And I would do it the same again because now, and for the last eighteen years, I’ve been a full participant in my life, her life and the lives of all my loved ones.  So now I plan to see my grandniece as much as possible and revel in this new opportunity to recover something that was just postponed.
 
Are you balancing choices that might be missed opportunities?  Are you planning ways to recover them later?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
 
Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

It happens to me every year around the beginning of April.  Although I don’t see the signs of change in myself yet, one of my window plants catches my notice.  There’s a new vibrancy in its color or maybe even a tiny sprout where a dead leaf had dropped.  Something triggers my attentiveness and before I’ve cognitively made the connection, I’m trimming, repotting and fertilizing all my plants.
 
What my plants have all been responding to, and what I’m also caught up in, are the longer days with brighter light streaming in my windows.  And I think back to my ME/CFS days and remember how hard it was day after day, week after week and month after month to keep my spirits up.  To remember my resolve to keep to the protocol, to allow myself the space to heal, and most importantly to cut myself the mental slack I needed.  The only time I didn’t need to be intentional about being upbeat was when the light began to get noticeably brighter at this time of year.  There’s a reaction to the increasing daylight that we experience on a cellular level.  I’m sure there are reams of scientific studies that have investigated this response but I don’t need to read them.  My sense of renewal and optimism are palpable.  And during my ME/CFS struggle, it was natural to see this NOT as the marking of another year of this cruel illness, but as the beginning of the year when my progress would get me to the next health plateau – the next stage of recovery.
 
I’m hoping that you are able to harness this brighter light and natural source of anticipation to carry you successfully along your path back to wellness.  Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

There’s an endless fence that runs along the edge of our yard.  The mower can’t get the weeds that grow close to it so not being fond of weed whacking, we’ve been watching them grow and grow.  After discussing how unsightly they had become, we decided to dig up the weeds along the fence and mulch.  You probably know where this is going.
 
After three hours of digging, pulling, hauling and mulching, we had completed four sections.  We were sweaty, caked with dirt and tired.  My son observed that the fence was so long that it didn’t feel like we made any progress for all the work we’d done.  Of course, it reminded me of my struggle with ME/CFS and the days that I felt the same way about how slow my recovery seemed to be.  Some weeks, I didn’t think I was any closer to being well again despite all my efforts at following the protocol and ‘doing the right things’.
 
Standing at the fence, it was my turn to say, “Don’t look at how far we have to go, look at how far we’ve come.”  That’s what my advocate said to me when I was struggling with ME/CFS and couldn’t see the improvements in my health.  It was helpful to hear, “six months ago, you had to sit during a shower and someone had to wash your hair because you couldn’t hold your arms up over your head for that long.”  It was true.  Six months later, I could take a shower standing up.  OK, I had to rest before and after but it was progress.
 
So this morning before the heat cranked up, we finished eight more sections in our third round of digging and mulching.  We still have a long way to go – not quite half way yet but what we’ve finished looks great.  And when you think about the long path to recovery from ME/CFS, remember to look at how far you’ve come.  Are you seeing progress?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

It’s a cold rainy day in New England after several warm spring days.  For the middle of April one might expect something different.  But I’ve lived here my whole life and one can always count on the weather to change moment to moment.  So today, as I settled in for a less active indoor day, I started thinking about my struggle with ME/CFS and those rainy days.  One might think that like some people, rainy days would have seemed dreary and sad back then.  But the opposite was true.  Rainy days made me very happy.

Why?  When I was struggling with ME/CFS, sunny warm days made me miserable.  I wanted so much to be out and going about my life.  And lovely days were a tough reminder that I was too ill to participate in my own life – in anyone’s life.  Those days seemed twice as long as normal.  They dragged and dragged and dragged on some more.  Those days were depressing.

I must admit, somewhat ashamed, that cold rainy days made me feel like other people might have their days limited as mine were.  Not with the physical symptoms of ME/CFS but the limitations on mobility.  The restriction of activity and possibly some of the isolation.  I felt like other people were stuck in it with me.  A sort of warped sense of misery loves company.  And this made me happy.  OK, not one of my best moments.

As I began to understand that I needed to get off the ME/CFS roller coaster and focus on a real recovery plan, this weather influenced attitude began to change.  My daily approach to healing became a matter of choice as I was no longer a victim of ME/CFS but rather someone who was on an intentional recovery path.  Nowadays when I’m trapped indoors on cold rainy days, I like to make the best of it and imagine I have lots of company.  And a nap is nice too.  How do you relate to cold rainy days?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
​
Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

A few summers ago, I spent a weekend with my niece and her young family at the lake.  My grandniece was three and was so much like my daughter was at that age – the bright smile and giggly laugh.  The difference is that I could play with her, dance with her and even pick her up.  When my daughter was a baby, I was in the depths of ME/CFS and couldn’t hold a glass of water let alone a fifteen pound baby.  I missed my daughters’ time as a baby and toddler.  Even when she was three, I was still unable to pick her up or do active play with her.
 
Did I miss out on an experience that I can never get back?  One could look at it that way.  And of course, I can’t get it back with my daughter.  But spending time with my grandniece was such a wonderful gift.  It was like recovering that lost experience.  And my daughter was there too.  She had just turned twenty-two.  It was a joy to see her holding her cousin on her hip and playing with her.
 
If I had tried to ‘do it all’ with my daughter, I know that I would still be struggling with ME/CFS.  It had such a profound hold on me that it took dedicated focus, to the exclusion of all else, to get well - even the joys of my daughters’ babyhood.  I did find ways to enjoy her and be her Mom but they needed to be energetically limited.  And I would do it the same again because now, and for the last eighteen years, I’ve been a full participant in my life, her life and the lives of all my loved ones.  So now I plan to see my grandniece as much as possible and revel in this new opportunity to recover something that was just postponed.
 
Are you balancing choices that might be missed opportunities?  Are you planning ways to recover them later?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
 
Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha