Category: Negativity

ME/CFS Optimism – Spring Lift

3/22/2022

OK, if you haven’t already guessed, I’m an optimist. And yes, our type can get on peoples nerves when we’re too upbeat. Not to say that optimists don’t have their down times. I’ve had many. Some of those darkest times for me were when I was bedridden with ME/CFS. A disease as cruel as ME/CFS plays games with your mind, your psyche and your emotions. The worst of it for me was that I became someone whom I didn’t recognize. It began to erode my sense of self and my self esteem as well as my physical health.

What I took away from that dark place was the knowledge that this sick ME/CFS person was not the full definition of who I was and who I intended to be again. It became a tool – a negative model of what I rejected. I used it as a springboard from which to move upward again. It renewed my commitment to regain my health – one small step at a time. And each step was a little further away from those lowest points.

Did I do this after my first serious depression? Of course not! Type A personalities are quite certain of their methods and need to be clubbed a bit before they admit to being wrong. But after a few low episodes, the optimist blessedly took control and I finally began the slow yet steady ascent back to health.

How to you handle lows? Can you call on your optimist to move you upward again? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Progress – Where’s Your Focus?

4/6/2021

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I recently participated in and IEP meeting – Individualized Education Plan – for a young friend. For part of the time, people talked about her successes. But for most of the meeting, people pointed out her weaknesses and where she needed to improve. And understandably, this is the point of the meeting. But I went away feeling that her accomplishments were impressive based on expectation. And there was no place to honor that progress. Of course it got me thinking about my struggle with ME/CFS and the way I could only focus on my weaknesses for a long time.

My first two years of struggling with ME/CFS were all about my failure to succeed at my life. All I thought about was what I wasn’t doing, who I was letting down and how I wasn’t figuring out what had happened to me. My focus was on what was going wrong and how it was my fault. One huge negative focus. Finally, after a horrendous crash, we decided to change our approach to ME/CFS and at the same time to change our focus. We started to move away from how I was failing and to focus on how I was progressing. The focus became centered on what I did that day and how I built on that the next day. Yes I had setbacks but we focused on the patterns that gave me positive results and repeated them.

So how are you making progress toward wellness? Where’s your focus? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Attitude – What Others Say

9/22/2020

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When you’re struggling with ME/CFS, it can be a daily challenge to keep your own negative attitudes in check. It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of wasting precious energy grinding about the things you can’t do, the thoughts you can’t keep straight and the important people in your life for whom you can’t be present.

It becomes even more challenging when you have to deal with the negative attitudes and insensitive comments of others. One group says ‘you look OK to me’. Then there are the ‘doubters’ who look at you as if you’re either physically lazy or mentally weak. And then you face the curious crowd who seem interested in your illness only to the extent that they want to tell you about themselves or their sick friend. It’s hard to know what to say without being irritated (only to confirm their assessment of your mental weakness) or rude which can alienate people whom you otherwise value in your life.

Fortunately for most, there are a few steadfast supporters, family members or friends, who get it and want to support your path back to health in whatever way they can. And even these caring people can say the most insensitive things at times. When I heard these comments, I donned my writer’s thick skin which I acquired as the result of many tough critiques.

What do you say when people make insensitive comments? Do you react at all? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Attitude – Highs and Lows

2/4/2020

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Like most people, post the holiday rush and glitz, I’m feeling the let down. Maybe it’s the juxtaposition of so much busyness followed by so much quiet. When I was struggling with ME/CFS, the contrast was starker. Other people went back to their normal, active lives and I went back to my forced slow recovery pace. It was a tough reality to accept.

Handling your ME/CFS attitude is key to finding a path back to wellness. It’s hard to keep yourself up and motivated when you compare yourself to the others around you. And in addition to the physical illness which you are struggling to understand and heal, you have to deal with all the negative judgments and assumptions made about you by others. And don’t forget how harsh and judgmental we can be on ourselves which is completely counter productive.

The only attitude we have control over is our own. So cut yourself some serious slack and jettison the self recrimination. And decide to ignore everyone else’s judgments. It’s a waste of precious energy fretting about it. Focus on what you CAN do to heal and recover. And let all the rest of that negative fodder go.

How do you screen out the negative attitudes of others? Of your self? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Perception – The Crazy Stigma

10/15/2019

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Over the weekend I was talking with someone about how people change when they go through a personal struggle that challenges them to their core. By comparison, other difficulties in everyday life are less stressful and seem easier to handle. And of course, I began to think about my ME/CFS days and how much I have changed – maybe even gained – in my more robust ability to weather the tribulations of a healthy life.

This person didn’t know me when I was sick and I was about to mention my ME/CFS struggle but I hesitated. The stigma of ‘mental weakness’ or crazy has always been attached to ME/CFS. Whenever I had told someone that I was once sick with ME/CFS, I would see that association flash across their face. Suddenly, even though they had only seen me healthy, I was dropped down a few notches in their estimation. I became less then whole. Damaged with the potential to be weak or needy. Maybe even a burden. So, I hesitated.

Then I thickened my skin and plunged forward, knowing that the more we talk about ME/CFS, and the more we engage with the main stream, the better the odds of getting to the answers for this cruel disease. And as I voiced that I had once been bedridden with ME/CFS, the response was OK. Better than I expected but it was still tinged with a bit of stigma. And it renewed my determination to be part of the conversation because so many of those who are struggling with ME/CFS frequently disappear from view.

Are you getting the crazy stigma when you talk about ME/CFS? How are you dealing with it? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Attitude – The Law of Attraction

6/18/2019

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I was feeling down recently - kind of an internal implosion resulting from too many people and things weighing on me culminating with feeling sorry for myself. For a period of time I allowed myself to be in that place. And that was OK because sometimes we need to feel emotions in order to decide what to do about them. And it gave me a small taste of my lowest points when I was struggling with ME/CFS.

I am however, at my innermost core, an optimist and that part of me eventually asserted itself and demanded that I move on. I was reminded of the Law of Attraction and the theory that by focusing on either positive or negative thoughts, we attract the same energy or results. The most documented example of this is the placebo effect which produces positive health results in blind medical trials where the patient is only given a simple sugar pill. Patients are able to think themselves better. I was not aware that there is an equally well documented nocebo effect which produces negative health results in clinical trials where a placebo is used. People who fear medication or who have a negative medical image can actually cause deterioration in their own health. Powerful stuff.

For me that’s a strong statement about how much control we actually DO have in dealing with ME/CFS. Once I turned the corner away from blame, denial and anger, and moved forward into solving my ME/CFS puzzle as a case study of one, I began to slowly get better. And yes, I was actively managing my health every day and it was no accident that the daily scrutiny finally resulted in my return to health. But my positive attitude directed at my determination to figure out my version of this cruel disease, was a big factor in succeeding despite the long haul. How do you manage your daily attitude in order to attract positive healing? What strategies work for you? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Humor – Sometimes It Helps

1/22/2019

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Over the years I’ve been able to develop a thick skin when it comes to hurtful comments from others about my struggle with ME/CFS. Dismissiveness or even subtle innuendoes suggesting that my illness was a mental health problem are a reality and I’ve come to deal with them as part of the package of ME/CFS. But recently, someone whom I thought ‘got it’, belittled my illness with a wave of her hand referring to it as a brief bout with severe depression so just get over it. REALLY!?!

I’ve now got Seth and Amy of SNL zinging their Weekend Update one liners across the video of my mind. Saying that ME/CFS sufferers are only severely depressed is like saying that ulcers can be cured by thinking pretty thoughts. REALLY!?! If ME/CFS patients are mental health cases then MS is a lifestyle choice. REALLY!?! If you think that Prozac is the cure for ME/CFS, then I’ve got a bottle of snake oil that will cure your condescending attitude. REALLY!?!

Sometimes humor is the best medicine. Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Emotional Baggage – Dump It

1/15/2019

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I’ve been helping someone clear out a family home which is full of memories – a mixture of good and bad. But mostly the house is weighed down with so much emotion that it feels like the structure itself sags under the burden. Of course, I started to think about my struggle with ME/CFS and the crushing assortment of emotions that I wrestled with.

In the beginning, I was consumed with frustration that I had no answers and anger that I was so quickly dismissed as ‘just depressed’. Then as I fell into the ME/CFS trap of push/crash cycles I developed self-blame. And as the months then years dragged on with no improvement, I felt guilty about the drain I had become on my family and the lost time that I had stolen from them and from me. Then I added in a good dose of shame. Eventually I had created a toxic soup of emotions which I was drowning in.

Pile all the worry on top of that and I was definitely going under. Talk about emotional baggage! Could I have been any better at bringing myself down? A surgeon couldn’t have succeeded in removing my self-esteem and self-image more precisely. And what about all the energy I drained from my limited reserves just festering over this mountain of emotional baggage?

After I spent a couple of years letting these emotions keep me under, I finally came to the understanding that I was only making my struggle with ME/CFS even harder. It took a great deal of determination to dump the emotional baggage. But once I started to off load, it felt great. I became intentional about my emotions and I packed lightly. How are you dealing with your emotional baggage? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Perspective – Your Consent

11/13/2018

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I’ve been lucky to have many teachers and mentors in my life. They’ve come from traditional as well as nontraditional paths. One of my favorites is Eleanor Roosevelt. Recently, I overheard a parent dumping a load of verbal judgment on his child and I started thinking about her famous quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” And I was remembering how hard it was when I was struggling with ME/CFS, to ignore the judgmental comments I received about my ‘weakness’. That somehow I was at fault for being sick - I was choosing to be sick. And that the reason for my continued illness was a lack of will or just plain laziness. I remembered how much that hurt being flung at a ‘work till you drop’ Type A personality like me.

When I finally understood that the path back to health needed to be a case study of one, it freed me from the burden of the ‘holier than thou’ judgments. But it took conscious effort to ignore – to not give my consent for others to label me as inferior.

Another quote of Eleanor’s helped me through that time as well. “Do one thing everyday that scares you.” It took a great deal of courage to let go of so much in order to focus on getting well again.

How do you deal with the attitude of those who look at you and see weakness? Or even laziness? What are your strategies for withholding your consent? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Attitude – Stilling the Voices

7/3/2018

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Everyday ME/CFS sufferers deal with choices: The ‘energy envelope’ as it’s referred to nowadays. The emphasis is placed on how much energy you have, what you MUST handle today and what you can postpone or just let go of altogether. This approach refers almost exclusively to physical energy expenditure.

When I was sick, physical energy conservation was a primary concern for me. But I came to realize over time that emotional and psychological energy were even more important. Doesn’t make sense? Here’s how it would go for me.

During the times when I was ‘resting’ and making well balanced decisions about my physical energy, my mind was still active. Almost racing along despite the brain fog, I kept sifting through things like a Virginia Woolf stream of consciousness passage on speed. And despite my best efforts to be upbeat and positive about my situation and progress to date, I would eventually wander down the self questioning and negative path of doubt. And then would come the damaging and harsh list of everything that I was failing at because of ME/CFS.

For me, this was exhausting. And debilitating. So over time I learned to still my mind. Beating myself up mentally wasn’t changing anything except eating up precious energy that I needed for the long haul.

So after you fend off the insensitive comments of others, how do you look upon yourself? Do you fester over your situation? How do you still the negative voices? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

2 Comments

<<Previous

ME/CFS Optimism – Spring Lift

ME/CFS Progress – Where’s Your Focus?

ME/CFS Attitude – What Others Say

ME/CFS Attitude – Highs and Lows

ME/CFS Perception – The Crazy Stigma

ME/CFS Attitude – The Law of Attraction

ME/CFS Humor – Sometimes It Helps

ME/CFS Emotional Baggage – Dump It

ME/CFS Perspective – Your Consent

ME/CFS Attitude – Stilling the Voices

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