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ME/CFS Change – New Beginnings

9/8/2020

2 Comments

 
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Although the official beginning of Fall will arrive on the Autumnal Equinox, the days after the long Labor Day weekend bring on the feel of the changing season.  Although some of us would enjoy an extra week or two of August weather, it’s time.  And nature reinforces that with the cooler nights and comfortable daytime temps.  When I was first sick with ME/CFS, I would grind on myself about another season come and gone – wasted – while I languished in bed.  I was still caught up in the desperate search to find someone who could cure me.
 
Then I finally began to realize that there wasn’t a silver bullet – even now, I’m sad that there isn’t – and that I needed a new approach.  A change - A new beginning.  I had been doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome – as we all know, that’s the definition of insanity.  And yes, anyone would get a little insane if they knew they were physically ill but no one could or would provide some answers.
 
Many of us find change to be outside of our comfort zones.  But change is the way forward for many of life’s challenges.  ME/CFS is no exception.  It wasn’t until I took a hard look at myself and my specific version of ME/CFS that I began to heal and work my way back to full health.  Soap box – Are you keeping a daily journal?

 
What change will you bring to your approach to ME/CFS?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
 
Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays and consider being part of the conversation. 
Be Well Again,
Martha


2 Comments

ME/CFS Hope – Paired with a Wellness Plan

5/19/2020

2 Comments

 
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While I was in the depths of my struggle with ME/CFS, I had the opportunity to be seen in a Boston clinic where I thought they were familiar with ME/CFS.  The first doctor I saw there, after my complete lab work up and physical exam, was truly unhelpful.  He told me that there was nothing physically wrong with me and that I should go home and “have hope”.  At that moment, he was the recipient of all the rage about having ME/CFS that was pent up inside me.  His eyebrows may still be singed.
 
When I finally started working with another doctor at that clinic, and treating myself like a case study of one, I began to see slow but real progress.  It was then that I opened up to a collaboration of hope paired with a wellness plan.  As I worked through my physical illness and worked with my daily patterns, I also began to work on my attitude.  Prior to ME/CFS, I was an optimist by nature.  But ME/CFS had tainted my outlook.  It was beyond frustrating to be struggling with a physical illness that almost no one understood or even acknowledged to be real.  So, I began an intentional effort to raise my spirits and have some hope for recovery.  As I look back now, this was only possible because I was beginning to see glimmers of physical progress and I had determined to devote my immediate future to being well again.

 
I understood that hope without a focused effort to be physically well is equally as ineffective as a wellness plan without hope.  For me, they needed to be paired.  How do you balance your physical recovery plan with your outlook?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha


2 Comments

ME/CFS Answers – Look Within

8/27/2019

0 Comments

 
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​Several decades ago everyone was wearing buttons.  It was the rage at the time and we Americans totally obliged.  I was slow to the party.  There really wasn’t something so important that I wanted to assert it everywhere I went.  Then I saw a button that called to me.  It simply said – Begin Within.  Yes, this was a perspective that I knew well and would want to impart to all.  Skip forward to last week when I was rummaging thru a drawer and found it.  I was thinking about how this simple wisdom was the key to my struggle with ME/CFS.
 
It wasn’t until I stopped looking for answers from others and looked within.  That’s where I finally found the answers.  Of course, they weren’t spelled out in big letters.  They were hidden in my version of ME/CFS.  I had to do the work to find them but they were there.  Once I got on track with my daily record, the answers started to slowly surface.  Not in days or weeks, but months and years.  It took patience and pacing but it all started when I understood that I needed to – Begin Within.
 

Have you discovered some important clues to your recovery by beginning within?  What strategies have worked for you?  Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
 
Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again, 
Martha

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0 Comments

ME/CFS Recovery - Every Day Counts

1/29/2019

4 Comments

 
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I have a long-term goal.  And I make progress in some ways but fall short in others.  It’s been a struggle.  I made a recent decision to rethink my time management around this goal and remembered a favorite quote from Annie Dillard, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”  And I started to see the parallels between my recent approaches to this new goal and how I had initially reacted to my struggle with ME/CFS.  My approach had been inconsistent and I misunderstood the need to apply myself every day to my desire to get well.

So much of what I did in those early days of ME/CFS came out of frustration and anger.  But even when I moved past that, I still wasn’t focused on the importance of how I spent each and every day.  It took a while before I began to see each day as a building block, which was added to the day before.  And so on until I had built up a week of days, then a month of days and eventually many months and finally a year of days.  That added up to 365 days in a row of consciously working toward recovering my health.  When I finally understood the value and rewards of daily focus, I began to see real progress.


So our lives do reflect how we spend our days.  And one day at a time, each and every day, you can make progress toward regaining your health.  That’s the only way I was successful.  How do you focus on your recovery every day?  Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for my next posting on Tuesday, February 12th.   And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha


4 Comments

ME/CFS Perspective – Your Consent

11/13/2018

0 Comments

 
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I’ve been lucky to have many teachers and mentors in my life.  They’ve come from traditional as well as nontraditional paths.  One of my favorites is Eleanor Roosevelt.  Recently, I overheard a parent dumping a load of verbal judgment on his child and I started thinking about her famous quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  And I was remembering how hard it was when I was struggling with ME/CFS, to ignore the judgmental comments I received about my ‘weakness’.  That somehow I was at fault for being sick - I was choosing to be sick.  And that the reason for my continued illness was a lack of will or just plain laziness.  I remembered how much that hurt being flung at a ‘work till you drop’ Type A personality like me.
 
When I finally understood that the path back to health needed to be a case study of one, it freed me from the burden of the ‘holier than thou’ judgments.  But it took conscious effort to ignore – to not give my consent for others to label me as inferior.
 
Another quote of Eleanor’s helped me through that time as well.  “Do one thing everyday that scares you.”  It took a great deal of courage to let go of so much in order to focus on getting well again.

 
How do you deal with the attitude of those who look at you and see weakness?  Or even laziness?  What are your strategies for withholding your consent?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha


0 Comments

ME/CFS Change – New Beginnings

9/4/2018

0 Comments

 
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Although the official beginning of Fall will arrive on the Autumnal Equinox, the days after the long Labor Day weekend and the sighting of a morning school bus bring on the feel of the changing season.  Although some of us would enjoy an extra week or two of August weather, it’s time.  And nature reinforces that with the cooler nights and comfortable daytime temps.  When I was first sick with ME/CFS, I would grind on myself about another season come and gone – wasted – while I languished in bed.  I was still caught up in the desperate search to find someone who could cure me.
 
Then I finally began to realize that there wasn’t a silver bullet – even now, I’m sad that there isn’t – and that I needed a new approach.  A change - A new beginning.  I had been doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different outcome – as we all know, that’s the definition of insanity.  And yes, anyone would get a little insane if they knew they were physically ill but no one could or would provide some answers.
 
Many of us find change to be outside of our comfort zones.  But change is the way forward for many of life’s challenges.  ME/CFS is no exception.  It wasn’t until I took a hard look at myself and my specific version of ME/CFS that I began to heal and work my way back to full health.  Soap box – Are you keeping a daily journal?

 
What change will you bring to your approach to ME/CFS?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
 
I will be off the grid for the next several weeks.  I’m looking forward to the time I’ll be spending away from the distractions of technology however much I love its’ gift of connectedness.  Look for my next posting on Tuesday, October 2nd and consider being part of the conversation.
 
Be Well Again,
Martha

0 Comments

ME/CFS Repetition – Keep Your Sanity

7/10/2018

2 Comments

 
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This summer in New England has seen a lot of hot weather.  It hasn’t been two or three days in a row.  It’s been a long conga line of hot dry days.  Day after day and week after week.  And it’s only the third week in July.  I can’t remember the last time we had a good rain.  I’m not an AC lover but it’s been on almost constantly.  And inevitably when I get into drawn out repetitive situations, I think about my struggle with ME/CFS.

When I finally quit riding the roller coaster after two brutal years and settled into the protocol, it was a long, repetitive, frustrating path.  Whenever I looked forward, the repetition seemed to spread out endlessly before me.  Like this long hot summer, it didn’t seem like it would ever end.  I had to find the courage to settle in.  I needed to take it a day at a time.  I needed to stick with the recovery plan and work it every day.  Honestly, I couldn’t think about how slow the pace was because it drove me crazy.  Much like this summer, I don’t think about how many more hot days are coming.  I take it day by day.  Right now, there’s another gorgeous sunny day outside my windows.  The kind I hoped for in the dead of winter.
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My best days of dealing with the slow repetitious pace were when I looked over my health log and saw the real progress.  I was slowly making my way back to full health.  And the proof was right there written in black and white.  It was a balm for my sanity.  Are you on the slow, repetitious path that the protocol requires?  What helps you stay sane?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

2 Comments

ME/CFS Recovery – Trust the Process

5/22/2018

0 Comments

 
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People use the word trust a lot.  I’m not sure if they really understand its meaning.  I recently had some sparks fly between me and someone I was working with on a project who is also a good friend.  We were both surprised by the sudden eruption but I told her it was OK because I trusted her.  I know her good intentions and the stress she’s feeling because her name is on the project.  And it reminded me of my struggle with ME/CFS when I was riding the daily roller coaster despite my efforts to follow the protocol.
 
On days when I was on schedule and feeling like I was managing my energy, getting rest and doing ‘the right things’, it was easier.  On days when I felt lousy and nothing seemed to be going according to plan, it was horrible.  Those bad days could do me in if I allowed myself to stay in that frustrated, down place.  I finally came to understand that I had to trust the process of recovery.  It’s easy to trust the process when you’re having a ‘good’ day.  The real test of trust comes when you’re having an ‘awful’ day.
 
So, on those awful days, I had to steer my frustration and depression back into trusting the process.  Of course, you have to have a process to place your trust in.  My process was my protocol with the daily record as the anchor.  It served not only as the grounded center of my work to solve my version of ME/CFS but it was an anchor for my sanity.
 

We all know too well how much fodder ME/CFS serves up for self bashing and depression and just ‘giving up’.  The process was my way of turning that negative energy into positive action to get well.  I placed my trust in that process even on the ‘bad’ days.  Do you have a process you can trust?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

0 Comments

ME/CFS Pacing – Keeping the Beat

11/14/2017

2 Comments

 
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I was recently playing drums with a small group of drummers and what started with a base rhythm devolved into a less than pleasant cacophony of noise.  If you’ve ever sat in on a drum circle, you know exactly what I mean.  To solve this problem, the leader needs to lay down a basic simple beat and hold it.  It gives everyone a point of reference to play off of and to return to and it keeps the group cohesive.  Experienced drummers already know this and learners usually pick it up when the leader points it out.  When you’re struggling with ME/CFS, there’s no leader to set the basic beat.
 
When a large mother drum is present, several people sit around it and hold down a beat – sometimes it’s a heartbeat.  It sounds like an actual heart beating – boom, boom, pause.  Boom, boom, pause.  Just like the line you’d see scrolling across the screen of a cardiac monitor.  Two peaks followed by a flatter line.  It’s all about the underlying rhythm - the natural pacemaker.
 
Unfortunately for ME/CFS patients, it’s a challenge to keep the basic beat – the pace that will consistently get us from day to day without being caught up in a push/crash cycle.  It’s a matter of fine tuning.  Collect data, make observations, find successful patterns – Repeat.  Repeat, Repeat, Pause.  Repeat, Repeat, Pause.  And eventually Repeat your way back to health.

 
How do you pace to a basic beat?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
 
Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.
 
Be Well Again,
Martha


2 Comments

ME/CFS/SEID Selectivity – A Time to be Picky

6/27/2017

0 Comments

 
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I recently took a fresh look around my home and saw a lot of stuff.  Much of it felt like clutter.  And then there were the boxes.  Although I think that we have divested of a lot of material things, we have boxes - in the basement, in the garage, in the closets.  I know what’s in some of them but honestly, whatever is in the rest, I clearly don’t need.  So of course it reminded me of my struggle with ME/CFS/SEID and how much I was ‘doing’ that wasn’t fruitful personally – things that seemed important at the time but were really just fillers and ‘invented’ priorities by a Type A personality.  I needed to let go of activities in my life that I could no longer handle – at least while I was healing.

At the time, I couldn’t image life without some of those activities and I allowed their loss to depress me.  For a while, I valued them more than my health.  But in time, as I focused on getting well, I let them all go.  When I began to see solid improvement, I had the first real opportunity to add one thing back into my recovery plan.  What would I chose?  What had I missed most that would fit in with my improving energy levels without compromising my progress? 

Now, as I look around my home and make choices about what to keep, it’s like clearing everything off the kitchen counter and then making intentional decisions about what to prioritize and put back. 
And as I experienced back then, I liked the selectivity of what to include in my life.  I finally began to see that I needed to be selective - It was definitely a time to be picky.  What picky choices are you making?   Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
 
Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha


0 Comments
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    Hello,  I'm
    Martha Kilcoyne

    Welcome
     to our Community!

    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

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