...DEFEAT Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: ...............................................................You don't have to live with it
  • Home
  • About
    • This Site
    • Martha
  • Participate
  • Contact
    • Contact Form
    • Submissions
  • Links
  • Book
  • Further Lessons
  • Thanks

ME/CFS Guest Blog by Tim Boland - Codependency and Stress

6/26/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Through the process of this illness, I have become more self protective.    I think it is telling that the statistics say that generally women are five times more likely to have CFS than men.   I was raised in a codependent family, where my mother’s needs were somehow always more pressing than my need to be a child, and for her to take care of my needs.     She was a good mother in terms of fixing meals, a tidy home and making sure I was well clothed and protected from the weather, which in Idaho is highly variable.

It was on the emotional side where I learned to displace my own needs, and due to some shaming I received as a small boy, I decided early on that I could not trust my mother with my feelings.   So I kept them to myself.   My father and mother’s relationship was dysfunctional and they ceased being intimate so there was little warmth there.    I learned early on to attempt to please others, to avoid conflict, and to ask how they were and became a caretaker in many ways.  

Living in that way is stressful, and as the author of Codependent No More writes, we are the kind of people who are people pleasers.   But inwardly we are angry and resentful that our own needs are not being met nor are they being listened to, and doing things for others we would rather not do.

Women often are portrayed as being caregivers in the home and in their relationships, and this behavior happens with men too.   A key reason I became ill when I did was in giving in to demands of two people on two consecutive days, things I did not want to do but did to attempt to please the other person.  They were dramatic things that I prefer not to talk about.   And the year or so leading up to that, when I likely had an immune system compromised, was what led to my becoming quite ill, with something like the flu.  

Like you Martha, that ‘flu’ and its debilitating effects did not go away completely and led to the illness which I now have.   The good news is that in recent months, I have decided that I don’t need to make myself unhappy because I have an illness, that I have a right to enjoy my life, as much as I am able.   I watch less news now and read fewer depressing articles (as much of today’s news is hardly cheerful), and I am avoiding depressing or stress inducing TV shows and movies.   I am finding my joy in my relationships with good friends online, really good lovely nice people.    These ways are leading to less stress, and my body is thanking me for it with less pain and less anxiety.   When feeling stressed, I will more readily now try to get rest, and alternate activity with rest.

******************************************************************
Thanks Tim!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

0 Comments

ME/CFS Stress – Letting Things Go

6/19/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Lately, the amount of stress in my life has been on the rise.  It’s primarily a function of too many people and needs pressing for my time and energy as we’re in the midst of multiple life passages.  But my situation now is always put into perspective when I think about the level of stress I felt when I was struggling with ME/CFS.  By comparison, today’s stress is a stroll on the beach.
 
My understanding of all the variables that were affecting me during my illness is clearer now that I have my mental focus back along with the long view.  One piece that I get now is how much stress I was under in addition to the underlying physical illness that knocked me down (for more info on my version of ME/CFS, check under Further Lessons on the website menu bar).  We know that a physically healthy person can be undone by stress.  It takes a heavy toll on our biological and nervous systems.  When those systems are already ‘on tilt’ and not able to cope with ordinary daily demands as they are with ME/CFS, a heavy load of stress can keep you from recovery.  For me, the ME/CFS stress came from every direction – some self inflicted and some imposed by others needs and judgments.  It was like a knock out punch when you’re already on your knees.
 
The only way I was able to recover was to let all the stress go.  And to let go of all the stressful things that accompanied it.  Of course, I didn’t do this right away.  That would have been too easy.  Instead I struggled and tried to handle everything for a few rocky, push/crash years before I finally understood how damaging all the stress was in addition to my physical version of ME/CFS.

 
So today, I make use of my hard won ME/CFS knowledge about stress when I deal with stressors as a healthy person.  I do what I CAN do to move my life along and I allow myself some serious slack about all the rest of it – I let things go.  How do you deal with the stress as you struggle with ME/CFS?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha


0 Comments

ME/CFS Treatment – Working with a Provider

6/12/2018

2 Comments

 
Picture
By the time most of us received our ME/CFS diagnosis, we had seen several practitioners hoping to find answers as to why we couldn’t regain our strength and energy.  Batteries of tests later, we still had no answers.  So, we were labeled with ME/CFS/Fibro or whatever it’s called in your region.  For most of us, this pronouncement was accompanied by a complete lack of a treatment plan.
 
We are struggling with a chronic condition whose symptoms include pain, complete fatigue, brain fog and the inability to get restful sleep.  From this place of low functioning, if at all, we have no answers and no solid treatment plan.  And I don’t consider ‘rest and you’ll feel better’ a treatment plan.
 
What to do?  I flailed around for quite awhile before I started keeping a daily record.  But once I started, I began to have specifics that I could document and discuss with my provider.  Instead of looking for him/her to provide me with answers to my illness, I provided solid data about my patterns and symptoms.  Full disclosure, he never seemed to care much about my energy patterns.  But he liked seeing symptoms that he could directly treat.  And he loved getting feedback via follow up data to determine if the treatment had any effect.  So, I learned to work with him as a partner.  It was a completely different relationship than I was used to but it worked for ME/CFS.

 
Do you have a provider that you’re working with?  How do you successfully partner with him/her?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha


2 Comments

ME/CFS Pacing – We Totally Get It

6/5/2018

2 Comments

 
Picture
No matter where you live, you may be aware that New England has been dealing with a conga line of cold, rainy weekends since April.  It has been a record breaking couple of months.  Even the most ‘rain loving’ people around me have had it.  And of course, all of this got me thinking about my struggle with ME/CFS.
​
Like many, the depths of my illness dragged on for about four years.  And like many more, it still drags on.  We know what it takes to be in something for the long haul.  To commit to getting better as a lifestyle however limited.  And yes, some of us needed multiple remedial roller coaster rides of push crash cycles – I’m at the front of that line.  But we totally get the patience and pacing it takes to reach a goal – for us wellness.  And we keep at it, day after day, week after week, month after month and year after year.  We are determined to be well again.

This understanding doesn’t entitle me to look down my nose at those around me who are done with the cold and the rain.  But honestly, I do a little – just a smidge.  Yes, I’m tired of it too but I am not complaining.  This is a piece of cake – made of rain - compared to struggling with ME/CFS.


Whenever someone groans about the weather, I listen for a while then smile and say, “Keep Calm and Umbrellas Up”.  Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

2 Comments
    Picture
    Hello,  I'm
    Martha Kilcoyne

    Welcome
     to our Community!

    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

      Join Our Community
      Enter your email address to
      follow this blog.

    Join

    For Books, Supplements, Sleep aids and more

    Picture

    Archives

    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011

    Categories

    All
    Appreciation
    Attitude
    Being Positive
    Brain Fog
    Choices
    Community
    Connect
    Coping
    Data
    Diagnosis
    Doctor
    Emotions
    Energy
    First
    Food
    Funding
    Genetics
    Goals
    Gratitude
    Groups
    Guest Blog
    Gut Feelings
    Health
    Helping
    Holidays
    Hope
    Humor
    Immune Support
    Inner Voice
    Ion Channelopathy
    Irony
    Isolation
    Journal
    Log
    Mantra
    Memory
    Mind
    Negativity
    Nutrition
    Opinions
    Organizations
    Outlook
    Pace
    Participate
    Patience
    Patterns
    Personality
    Perspective
    Protocol
    Provider
    Pushing Too Hard
    Pushing Too Hard
    Record
    Recovery
    Relapses
    Research
    Resolutions
    Rest
    Sleep Depravation
    Step By Step
    Step By Step
    Strategies
    Supplements
    Support
    Take Control
    Take Control
    Thankfulness
    Vacation
    Variables
    Version

    RSS Feed

    Picture
    Copyright © 2011-2012
    Triple Spiral MEDIA LLC