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ME/CFS Attitude – What Others Say

9/24/2013

2 Comments

 
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When you’re struggling with ME/CFS, it can be a daily challenge to keep your own negative attitudes in check.  It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of wasting precious energy grinding about the things you can’t do, the thoughts you can’t keep straight and the important people in your life for whom you can’t be present.

It becomes even more challenging when you have to deal with the negative attitudes and insensitive comments of others.  One group says ‘you look OK to me’.  Then there are the ‘doubters’ who look at you as if you’re either physically lazy or mentally weak.  And then you face the curious crowd who seem interested in your illness only to the extent that they want to tell you about themselves or their sick friend.  It’s hard to know what to say without being irritated (only to confirm their assessment of your mental weakness) or rude which can alienate people whom you otherwise value in your life.
 
Fortunately for most, there are the steadfast family members or friends who get it and want to support your path back to health in
whatever way they can.  And even these caring people can say the most insensitive things at times.  When I heard these comments, I donned my writer’s thick skin which I acquired as the result of many tough critiques.

 
What do you say when people make insensitive comments?  Do you react at all?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,

Martha


2 Comments
Tim Boland
9/28/2013 07:15:05 am

Your blog this week reminds me of some very insensitive remarks that I heard when I first became ill with CFS. One family member, seeing me sitting in my chair watching tv said that she imagined that’s what she would see in 30 years, me sitting in my chair (and doing little else).

At first, this and other comments were devastating, as what I hoped for was not pity, but empathy and understanding. Fortunately, I also have a very good friend who was a life saver and was there during my darkest times, times I was not sure I wanted to continue living. I have never been that kind of person who looked to an ending, I’ve always looked forward to life.

I learned early on that there were a precious few people with whom I could share openly and have understanding. One was a young woman I met on YouTube who was studying to be a nurse and she absolutely understood and said just the right words. I felt that she totally got it.

I also learned that some people, family or not, are either oblivious or downright toxic, and learned it was far better to journal and practicing self encouragement than entrusting my feelings to them. Your book has been a sign post Martha, thank you for your writings and reminders of what is important.

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Martha
9/30/2013 01:31:14 am

It is tough to find the right people who truly care and 'get it'. It's a challenge to put yourself out there knowing that you could be viewed negatively. But when you do get the right supporters, it can be an important life line. So we take the risk to find the gems. Thanks Tim!

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    Hello,  I'm
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    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

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