When I was at my lowest point suffering with ME/CFS, it seemed like I had only one identity – a bedridden sick person. As I slowly began to regain some functioning, I would have brief periods of experiencing a different identity – a normal healthy person. This happened when I had a conversation about something I was passionate about and I could keep focused for ten minutes or maybe even half an hour. During that time, I forgot about ME/CFS. I stepped out of that label and, for a while, became free of it. Then, of course, it would end and I would ‘remember’ my situation.
As I grew healthier, I got to the point where half the time, I could actually participate in some normal healthy person activities and relish for a while in forgetting about ME/CFS and its cruelty. But it would end and I would have to ‘remember’ again. Straddling both worlds of sick and healthy was not only a physical challenge in terms of pacing, pacing and more pacing. It was a mental marathon ‘double life’ of moving back and forth between these two identities. Of learning to appreciate and revel in the times of acting and feeling like a healthy person and then handling the let down of remembering the reality of my situation. I worked hard at not letting the upside create an even lower downside. I kept my eyes focused on shifting the percentages – slowly and steadily – to more and more normal health person and less and less sick person.
How do you handle the Double Life of sick and healthy? What are your strategies? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
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Be Well Again,