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Attitude – What Others Say

10/4/2011

4 Comments

 
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© 2011 TSM
When you’re struggling with ME/CFS, it can be a daily challenge to keep your own negative attitudes in check.  It’s all too easy to fall into the trap of wasting precious energy grinding about the things you can’t do, the thoughts you can’t keep straight and the important people in your life for whom you can’t be present.

 It becomes even more challenging when you have to deal with the negative attitudes and insensitive comments of others.  One group says ‘you look OK to me’.  Then there are the ‘doubters’ who look at you as if you’re either physically lazy or mentally weak.  And then you face the curious crowd who seem interested in your illness only to the extent that they want to tell you about themselves or their sick friend.  It’s hard to know what to say without being irritated (only to confirm their assessment of your mental weakness) or rude which can alienate people whom you otherwise value in your life.

Fortunately for most, there are the steadfast family members or friends who get it and want to support your path back to health in whatever way they can.  And even these caring people can say the most insensitive things at times.  When I heard these comments, I donned my writer’s thick skin which I acquired as the result of many tough critiques.

What do you say when people make insensitive comments?  Do you react at all?  Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,

Martha

4 Comments
Tim B
10/4/2011 10:47:16 am

It is difficult because to others I may look fine but clearly having any kind of illness is challenging. I have found there are for the most part two reactions when I tell someone I have a health issue or illness.

Some people act as if I've said I just went to the grocery store, as if my being ill is of no concern. Others will say 'I'm sorry to hear that' and may offer genuine concern.

I think the golden rule applies best 'Do unto others as you would have them do to you', this has increased my empathy for others. I wish no pity but empathy and compassion are like little miracles in the day and I find help so much when dealing with any difficult situation, whether a health issue or any life difficulty.

Reply
Martha
10/5/2011 03:11:34 am

"Empathy and compassion are like little miracles in the day." Thanks Tim!

Reply
Lois d'Annunzio
10/5/2011 04:47:32 am

I was very friendly with my neighbor who was an anestheologist at Lahey Clinic and she suggested that I drink more coffee and I just laughed and said that I had already tried that.

Acai berry? 5 hr energy drink? Reiki? Blue/green coral calcium? I have tried them all. Which usually shuts them up.

If they start on exercise and creating endorphins I explain that it a neuro-immune disease or myalgia encephalomyelitis. In my handbag I even carry a chart from Dr. Anthony Komaroff about post exertion malaise and occasionally pull that out. Doctors are usually interested in that chart and ask for a copy.

Until the latest developments, I would also throw in that I tested positive for a retrovirus called XMRV.

Then I change the subject.

Lois

Reply
Martha
10/6/2011 07:14:56 am

Great series of responses! Thanks Lois

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    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

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