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ME/CFS Perspective - The Inner Voice

10/18/2022

When you are struggling with ME/CFS, it’s hard to see anything else. ME/CFS controls your energy, your schedule, your choices, your physical comfort, your day, your night and your outlook. Everything you consider is be interpreted through your ME/CFS colored glasses with a dose of brain fog.

It’s a necessity. It’s a survival mechanism. It’s reality. And fighting this reality is fruitless. Just more squandered energy and risked relapses.

Remembering that we have restrictions eventually becomes second nature. And as much as it totally stinks, it can develop into the way forward. Acceptance of this second nature or inner ME/CFS voice can bring rewards. Better choices. Better days. Beginning to experience better weeks.

For me personally, it took several knock down relapses before I understood this dreaded voice. Some days I wanted to throttle it. The message was one that I didn’t want to hear. But slowly, eventually, I began to listen. Do you listen to the cautionary messages of your inner voice? Are you learning to pace yourself better? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a monthly posting. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Recovery - Every Day Counts

5/10/2022

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I have a long-term goal. And I make progress in some ways but fall short in others. It’s been a struggle. I made a recent decision to rethink my time management around this goal and remembered a favorite quote from Annie Dillard, “How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” And I started to see the parallels between my recent approaches to this new goal and how I had initially reacted to my struggle with ME/CFS. My approach had been inconsistent and I misunderstood the need to apply myself every day to my desire to get well.

So much of what I did in those early days of ME/CFS came out of frustration and anger. But even when I moved past that, I still wasn’t focused on the importance of how I spent each and every day. It took a while before I began to see each day as a building block, which was added to the day before. And so on until I had built up a week of days, then a month of days and eventually many months and finally a year of days. That added up to 365 days in a row of consciously working toward recovering my health. When I finally understood the value and rewards of daily focus, I began to see real progress.

So our lives do reflect how we spend our days. And one day at a time, each and every day, you can make progress toward regaining your health. That’s the only way I was successful. How do you focus on your recovery every day? Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Recovery - Every Day Counts

11/9/2021

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ME/CFS Feng Shui – How Does Your Energy Flow?

2/23/2021

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I was recently rearranging the furniture in my family room in order to accommodate a new door. I also just wanted a new look without buying new furniture. As I began to move things around, I was surprised at how different the same things could look and function just by rearranging them. The energy in the room changed too. It felt airier and brighter – it flowed better. Of course this got me thinking about ME/CFS and how poorly my energy flowed.

For most of the first half of my struggle with ME/CFS, I didn’t regulate my energy at all. I burnt up whatever I had then crashed. There was no pacing. There was no intension to plan my day around what I could reasonably handle. And most important, there was no progress toward getting better. The opposite was true. I was getting worse.

Once I decided to take more control of my ME/CFS, my energy flow changed dramatically. Instead of the abrupt go, go then stop, stop, stop, I began to use my energy reserves at a slow but steady pace. Much like the familiar Tortoise and Hare story, I was slowly getting back to wellness one day at a time. And over a long period of time I got there. Sadly, I’m guessing that I left a few Hares behind still trapped in the cruelty of ME/CFS.

I’m sitting in my newly rearranged family room as I write. What a difference. The energy is flowing easily - not rushed or stopped up. How are you managing your energy flow? Have you embraced your tortoise? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS New Year - Take a fresh look

1/5/2021

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It’s a hackneyed part of our culture that everyone makes New Year resolutions which we earnestly pursue for one month. Then we return to our old habitual patterns. And every year we resolve not to let that happen yet again. So here we are. For many, it’s a desire to improve one’s health. If you’re struggling with ME/CFS, the stakes and the rewards are much higher than the average person who just wants to look or feel healthier. For us, it’s about reclaiming our lives and our ability to be fully functioning and present – to be well again.

I encourage you to take a fresh look at your version of ME/CFS. Hopefully you are keeping a daily log of your activities, sleeping/resting times, symptoms and medications. Step back and take an objective look at your patterns. Look for periods of wellness. What preceded those periods? Replicate those patterns. Look for periods of ill health or crashes. What preceded those periods? Don’t repeat those patterns. Look at your symptoms. Which are the most debilitating? When do they flair up? How can you treat them in order to short circuit the flair up? Look at your sleeping patterns. How can you improve the quality of your sleep? How can you make your bedroom into your version of slumber heaven – light, sound, comfort and sleep aids. Your daily log needs to be mined for clues as you find your path back to wellness.

If you’ve made progress this year and you’ve managed to shed some of the symptoms that were masking your version of ME/CFS, awesome! As you take a fresh look, you may get a clearer view of the key or central issues which characterize your version of ME/CFS and some insight into new approaches, strategies and clues to your next steps. It was through this methodical periodic review that I eventually unraveled my version of ME/CFS and was able to be fully well again. What will you focus on in this New Year? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Brain Fog – Write it Down

11/10/2020

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One morning recently, I woke up to thick fog blanketing the yard. It was so dense that it reminded me of a night last spring when I was driving home and the lingering snow on the ground was a few inches thick. With temperatures in the mid 30s, there was a wall of thick fog hanging over the snow and drifting across the roads. In high school science class I learned that sublimation is the transformation of physical matter directly from a solid to a gas without ever becoming a liquid. So the night fog was the result of the frozen snow skipping over water and going straight to cloud vapor. And it reminded me of the frustrating brain fog I had when I was struggling with ME/CFS.

Kind of like the snow, my brain seemed to skip over the natural fluidity of conversations - the ebb and flow of ideas exchanged with one another. Or the transitional thoughts needed to get from a concern to a possible course of action. Concrete thoughts wouldn’t develop and instead slowly leaked out of my head like a balloon with a pin hole. I couldn’t remember what someone said a moment after they said it. It seemed to dissipate into the air without ever registering in my brain.

After denying the reality of my memory struggles for awhile, I finally came around and tried to cope with it. I started to write things down as I spoke with people and it helped me to keep the train of thought going. And when I was trying to think through something on my own, I also wrote it down. It felt stupid at first, but when it began it help, I appreciated the sense of accomplishment that resulted.

How are you coping with brain fog? What strategies have you developed? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Transitions – Progress to Being Proactive

3/17/2020

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Three years ago we took in an abandoned Maine Coon cat so she could be transitioned to a new home. Her prior life was with an elderly woman who dotted on her and made her quite comfortable. Then, her owner became ill and was in hospital care for a month. During that time, the cat lived alone in the house and a neighbor came in to feed her. She had always been a reclusive cat who disliked strangers so the month was traumatic. Her owner wasn’t able to return to her own home so we ‘captured’ the freaked out cat and deposited her on our heated porch. Needless to say this transition had been hard. Watching her struggle reminded me of myself when I was first diagnosed with ME/CFS.

Being ripped out my normal life and dropped into the wastebasket of ME/CFS was horrifying. I hated it. I railed against it. I expended a lot of energy being angry with my situation and the medical establishment. The cat on our porch did the exact same thing. She was clearly pissed off. When she wasn’t eating or sleeping, she hissed and growled at everyone except me. She even swatted if the wrong person got too close. She clearly wanted affection and purred loudly when I pet her but she was confused and mad. Who wouldn’t be?

She wanted her old life back just like I did. But the path for her to find a new home was not to go back the way she came. And so it was with me. I had to progress forward to find a new path in order to regain my health. I had to progress to being proactive – to taking responsibility for my recovery and to stop wasting energy on the blame game. The cat on our porch didn’t have the tool of reasoning. I couldn’t sit down with her and explain that she was just in transition and that we were looking for a permanent home for her – a new place that would be warm and loving and much like her old home. In the end, we did find her a new home and a new elderly woman who dotted on her.

Before I accepted my struggle with ME/CFS, I was in that same transitional place. If you’re still there, It’s time to progress forward into taking proactive control of your illness and your path back to wellness. Are you out of transition? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Halt – When we had other plans

3/3/2020

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Recently we were driving along with a schedule for the day. Then bang. We had a tire blow out. We were able to safely get to the side of road but that one event shot holes in the plan for the day. As we began to assess the condition of our spare tire and whether all the parts of the jack were in the truck, I was reminded of how ME/CFS suddenly forced me to change my plans.

There I was, tooling along with my life plan and then suddenly – bang – I was so ill that I was bedridden. And after going through the seemingly endless screening process, I was diagnosed with ME/CFS. Not great news.

Back on the side of the road, we thought we had everything to change the tire and started in. Then we realized that the jack crank was missing. Great – that meant that we had to raise up the car one half turn at a time. As I knelt by the car, inserting the lug wrench, turning a half turn, removing the lug wrench, moving it back to the other side, then reinserting and turning a half turn – over and over and over – I kept thinking about how ME/CFS required me to invent tools to get well because the normal methods didn’t work. And getting well was agonizingly slow. And repetitive. And repetitive. And really repetitive.

So having that flat tire abruptly changed my plans and it took more time than it should have because we didn’t have the right tools. And getting ME/CFS abruptly changed my life plans and it took more time to get well from ME/CFS because we needed to invent the right tools. What tools are you inventing? What tools are you learning from others? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for postings on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.
Be Well Again,
Martha

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ME/CFS Mantra – Pace, Pace, Pace

3/5/2019

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We had a light snowfall this week so I went out to shovel the sidewalk. It was only a couple inches of fluffy white so the going was easy. As I scooped up and tossed each airy load, I began to get a rhythm going. And of course I started to think about ME/CFS – my daily thankfulness for my return to full health is never far from the front burner. I had developed two mantras during my struggle back from ME/CFS. The first was Attitude, Attitude, Attitude. It took me a long time to finally cut myself some slack about being sick and then about feeling like I was letting my family and loved ones down. Not to mention dumping my anger at the medical community.

Once I started to accept the reality of my illness and my personal challenges, my mantra switched to what I could actually DO about my situation. That’s when I took up my second mantra. So as I tossed aside the snow, I began to softly, slowly chant, “Pace… Pace… Pace…” Being attentive to my daily routines, my choices for energy expenditure and reluctantly pulling back on my own reins whether I liked it or not, were key to pacing myself back to health. Yes - Of course I screwed up sometimes and wanted to kick myself but mostly I was firm in my commitment. And I did my best to communicate that to others around me.

How are you doing with pacing? What challenges you the most? Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission. You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net. And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays. And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,
Martha

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