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ME/CFS Energy – Deflecting the Negative

8/22/2017

2 Comments

 
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I’ve been thinking a lot about the ‘energy envelope’ that most ME/CFS patients work to conserve.  When I was sick, this wasn’t part of the understanding of ME/CFS as much as it is now.  But even today, the emphasis is on physical energy and what we decide to spend it on.  And yes, we all have limited physical energy reserves and being intentional about how they get used is critical to our struggle to be well again.
 
But often, I think that we forget that psychological and emotional energy is also a part of that ‘energy envelope’.  We don’t have to move out of a chair to burn up a lot of energy worrying about our responsibilities or being angry at the medical system or berating ourselves for being sick.  It all burns up precious energy and runs us down.  Then we encounter others who further drain our energy by off handedly diagnosing us per some stereotype or the latest news blurb about ME/CFS.  It eats up a lot of emotional and psychological energy dealing with these outside stresses as well.
 
One of the strategies that I finally developed was deflecting this negative psychological energy.  After allowing myself to absorb too much of it, from both external sources as well as self inflicted, I realized that it was just as much of a drain on my precious ‘energy envelope’ as actual physical activity.  So I started with myself.  I built a wall around my psyche that refused to allow negative self judgment to enter.  It was such a wonderful release to let all that self berating slip away!  Then, like a skilled matador, I learned to step aside when those negative external people came into my space and I let those toxic attitudes slide right by me.  I refused to own them or even deal with them.
 
Honestly, I still do this today.  I’ve learned through my struggle with ME/CFS that I can choose not to deal with other peoples’ baggage about my illness or anything else.  How do you deal with conserving your psychological energy?  What strategies work for you?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!
 
Look for a my next post on the Tuesday after Labor Day.  Wishing you a restful end of Summer.
 
Be Well Again,
Martha
​

2 Comments
Tim Boland
8/27/2017 10:53:18 pm

One of the biggest psychological problems for me, Martha, is a tendency that I have for worrying. I’ve had this likely most of my adult life but having CFS tends to exacerbate this. Part of this I know is that I realize that when on a business call, for example, where there tends to be more stress, I am concerned I am not quite up to handling it in the way I did before my illness. And though it is hard to admit, it is true. If I deal with business in the earlier part of the day, when I feel more refreshed from a good night’s sleep, which correlates with less pain, it is easier.

But having an illness is something I am working more toward accepting, as it does create more problems in dealing with everyday issues and life. Having pain present, feeling a little fuzzy headed, makes it harder to focus on other things. It is a real distraction at times.

At the same time, I appreciate your blog so much as it is a reminder that part of this is the pressure I tend to put on myself. I have always tried to do my best, and still do, but I realize too that I cannot simply ‘make’ this illness go away, that I need to be more patient with myself. When I say accept, I mean that I have an illness but certainly not accepting that it always must be this way.

With negative people, as you say so well, it is important to understand that some people are toxic, others tend to bring their stressful situations to me. I had a definite overload this past week, became quite upset with someone who consistently finds a way to increase my stress. It’s complicated because she has been a great help in my business, but she is struggling with a drug addiction. Plus, it is difficult with my nature to just turn people away, so sometimes I don’t advocate early enough for myself. There is always this issue with other human beings in setting reasonable boundaries, but many people don’t seem to have this understanding and continue to push or prod.

Reply
Martha
8/28/2017 10:19:40 pm

Great points Tim! Many of us worry by nature and it can get amplified with ME/CFS. Accepting the fact that we have this illness gives us permission to focus on getting well. And negative people can sometimes be difficult to deflect. But deflect them we must. I often used "I'm feeling very tired and I need to rest" then just walked away or hung up. Rude but effective to protect myself from those who just didn't get it. Thanks Tim!

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    Hello,  I'm
    Martha Kilcoyne

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    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

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