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ME/CFS Guest Blog - Embracing Rest by Grace Liggett

6/25/2013

2 Comments

 
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So, my biggest terror now is this illness.  I know that CFS is real, which means I know there are endless people who are suffering, physically, with this and other illnesses, that don’t have the option of resting and medical care and unemployment.  There are people with debilitating illnesses who are not able to be debilitated or step off the treadmill of their lives.  Their responsibilities, needs of others, finances, conflicting relationships, access to education, mobility, mental health, etc. already hinder their chance at the already daunting process of recovery. And they have to keep going.  Pain.  Darkness.  Sit with it.

I am lucky enough to have the opportunity to Rest and Hope and Find A Way.  CFS may be calling (forcing?) me to truly empty my life and myself.  Not just cut-back or take time off, but truly purge who I am and the life I have lived.  Take it all away and just sit with it.  CFS is  asking me to have patience, but not the kind of patience that it takes to wait a long long long time for a promise to be fulfilled, but the kind of patience that happens even under the knowledge that things may never change.  I may never be physically well again.  I might always be in pain.  I have to sit with this, one day at a time, and try to connect with the Now.

My shrink reminded me one day that none of us have a guarantee beyond the present, that tomorrow is anyone’s guess, with or without illness.  I resented her comment then for its simplicity and Hallmark Buddhism, still clinging to the notion that I need some sort of tool to plan ahead, some sort of path to envision for the future (like I want to know if I will be able to have a career, fall in love, travel, have a family, etc. ever).  But I think that, for right now at least, I am just supposed to Rest.  It is all I can do to keep up with my dog, my apartment, my family, my hygiene, my sanity.  Do less, but with more attention.  And maybe if my body begins to feel energetic again, or if some of the relentless pain yields, I can bring other things into my life.  But, for now, it is enough just to Be.  And to be grateful that I can simply rest.  So...

Dear Rest,

I have given you a bad name.  I have resented you and regarded you as a sign of weakness, defeat, doom, and punishment.  When in fact, you are a vast and beautiful creature.  Rest, you can be an experience as pure and as dense with life as summiting a mountain or making love.  You are a gift and I am privileged to have you in my life.  Going forward, I intend to embrace you and get to know you better.  I will enjoy you, Rest, and leave my negative attitudes behind for the luxury of your mystery.

Yours Truly. Grace
Grace's Blog
staysoft.wordpress.com
________________________

Thanks Grace!  How do you embrace rest?  Do you have any strategies that work?  Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,

Martha

2 Comments
Martha
6/27/2013 02:01:31 am

Grace, I hear your desire for a vision of your future. When I was bedridden with ME/CFS, I had a two year old who didn't have a functioning mother, I had a newborn baby who was a stranger to me and a husband who I feared would decide any day that he was SO done with this crazy woman. I worried a lot which only served to further deplete my energy. I admire your decision to embrace Rest. I finally came to that point as well but not before a few rides on the push/crash roller coaster. Thanks for sharing your blog!

Reply
Tim Boland
7/1/2013 11:17:52 am

Grace, thank you for your thoughts on your illness, you write so well. What you say about this feeling of not knowing ‘if’ I will ever be fully well definitely weighs on me, a reason now that I am away from home on a sort of vacation for the summer that I bought one more copy of Martha’s book to have with me here.

I like the way you address Rest, how grateful you are for it, and that desiring it is not a sign of weakness. And honestly I thought, this is somewhat typical in our culture, this attitude of being driven by things, always a wish for something more, to do more.

I did something radical here, as the little road I live on has neighbors who like to chat, and on some days that’s nice when I am walking. Other days when I just wish to walk quietly, really enjoy the beautiful nature here in Idaho, stopping to chat with the neighbors can be really annoying. So lately I will drive a little ways to a place where there is a local park by the river, and a walking trail. As it’s also the site for an upcoming 4th of July celebration, yesterday there were a lot of people there, so true to my need for solitude, I walked the other way and saw some beautiful sights.

I am doing more than I was three years ago, my progress is steady so long as I don’t ignore the signals of my body to ‘do less’, stop and Rest. Thank you so much for your blog.

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    Hello,  I'm
    Martha Kilcoyne

    Welcome
     to our Community!

    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

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