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ME/CFS Negativity - Think Dodgeball

7/30/2013

2 Comments

 
PictureRose of Sharon
I appreciated Tim’s heartfelt comment to last week’s blog and it got me thinking about negativity that comes from others and how to deal with it.  Over time, we all develop coping  mechanisms – some are more successful than others.  One approach that I’ve used often to deal with ME/CFS negativity - and negativity for other reasons as well - has been particularly helpful for me.

 When I’m talking with someone or reading an e-mail, and the other person sends me a stream of negativity – whether they understand what they’re doing or not – I play mental dodgeball.  Remember back to when you were in grade school and you were at recess or in gym class.  Picture yourself as your kid self.  You’re on the team that’s in the middle and it’s your turn to dodge the ball.

Now you see a ball coming right at you.  Your reflexes kick in and you move to your right.  The ball misses, passes by you, and goes on its’ way.  You’ve dodged that ball.  You don’t really care where it goes next.  It’s no longer your concern.

So back to that person sending negativity at you.  In your mind, step aside and let it flow past you.  Don’t absorb it, don’t dwell on it, just let it go by.  And yes, sometimes you have to mentally step aside throughout most of a conversation but you learn to not have lots of interaction with that person even if you encounter them frequently in your life.  A wave, a smile, a kind word, then off you go - you don’t hang around long enough to have to dodge negativity.

Playing mental dodgeball has become a good strategy for me when I’m dealing with ME/CFS negativity.  What strategies do you use?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,

Martha

2 Comments
Tim Boland
7/31/2013 11:25:49 am

Thank you Martha for this week’s blog and kind words. The word dodgeball brought something to mind. As a young teen, there was an especially obnoxious boy at school who insisted while were at boy scout camp that he wanted to fight me, for no particular reason. We were on a bridge over a small stream wrestling when it occurred to me, this kid is as strong as me, and my first reaction was to laugh.

I was a little stunned when he called me a name and threatened to go back into camp saying he’d defeated me. I had kids that bested me in a fight and those I bested. Sure enough, he marched into camp proclaiming his victory, and being a shy boy, even though he hadn’t beat me, I did not feel like confronting him with many others around.

A little sad to say but it changed me, I became more aggressive at school and was feared in dodgeball as I could throw that ball mighty hard and could be a dead aim on some days.

Your blog reminded me of my high school days when I had other kids I got along with so well and those I just avoided, either they were unfriendly or confrontational. But that grade school lesson taught me that I could stand up for myself and stay with my own truth about me. It helps having friends to confide in, those who understand us and what we go through.

As an adult, I am in no mood to fight anyone, but I do stand up for me when I need to. Early on with my illness, I learned again that lesson I’d learned in school, that not everyone is or can be a trusted friend. As your lesson illustrates, sometimes it is best to just move out of the way of the negative energy, and embrace what we know inside ourselves to be true.

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Martha
8/1/2013 02:04:56 am

Bullies! Ugh! How much time and energy have we wasted having to deal with all the negativity that surrounds them? Too much. Ironically many of them are insecure, lonely people with no other coping skills. It's best just to dodge that negativity.
I like what you said Tim about embracing what we know inside ourselves to be true. It can be hard work to uncover but ultimately a key to health and happiness. Thanks!

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    Hello,  I'm
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    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

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