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ME/CFS Perspective – Your Consent

8/14/2012

4 Comments

 
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Eleanor Roosevelt
I’ve been lucky to have many teachers and mentors in my life.  They’ve come from traditional as well as nontraditional directions.  One of my favorites is Eleanor Roosevelt.  Recently, I overheard a parent dumping a load of verbal judgment on his child and I started thinking about her famous quote, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  And I was remembering how hard it was when I was struggling with ME/CFS, to ignore the judgmental comments I received about my ‘weakness’.  That somehow I was at fault for being sick - that I was choosing to be sick.  And that the reason for my continued illness was a lack of will or just plain laziness.  I remembered how much that hurt being flung at a ‘work till you drop’ Type A personality like me.

When I finally understood that the path back to health needed to be a case study of one, that freed me from the burden of the ‘holier than thou’ judgments.  But it took conscious effort to ignore – to not give my consent for others to label me as inferior.

Another quote of Eleanor’s helped me through that time as well.  “Do one thing everyday that scares you.”  It took a great deal of courage to let go of so much in order to focus on getting well again.

How do you deal with the attitude of those who look at you and see weakness?  Or even laziness?  What are your strategies for withholding your consent?  Please COMMENT or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,

Martha

4 Comments
Bill Goodin
8/14/2012 03:05:31 pm

What an amazing & true statement from such an amazing woman !
When I first heard her statement regarding my personal consent, I questioned the statement. It seemed so foreign. Painful remarks don't go directly to our heart, though it may seem so, because we may have operated in this mode from childhood or most of our lives. Eleanor Roosevelt saw personal doors to the human heart which we control.Is it ever difficult to recognize these doors & open & close them at will ! They are nonetheless there. Thank you for reminding me, again. Your second Eleanor quote is easier for me, personally, than the first you gave. It,too, is good & helpful. Perhaps, my dealing with the first quote daily often ends up being the scary thing in my day !

Reply
Martha
8/14/2012 04:12:16 pm

Yes, we all have control over those personal doors to our hearts. And It IS scary doing daily battle with the pessimists and people who try to make us feel inferior! LOL Thanks Bill!

Reply
Tim Boland
8/19/2012 08:04:02 am

This blog brings up a lot of feelings for me, Martha. I feel for the small child who is berated by his parent, and we can imagine that this little being is probably subjected to that nearly every day. As adults, we do have the ability to reflect on our own attributes about being good and worthwhile people, though we carry with us the impressions given to us by others, especially those from our formative years.

With my first live in companion, we went to visit her sister one day. She had two children from two different fathers, and apparently did not get along well at all with the father of her first born. This older child was smaller in stature and it was clear within a few minutes that she favored the younger of the two children. I remember this older little boy, so cute and running around like a happy little squirrel, yet her attitude showed that she did not care much for who he was. I understand that as he grew older, he has had some difficult adjustments in life.

I have learned with this illness that there are those who are more safe than others, and some whose lack of empathy almost borders on the unbelievable. As part of self care, I have come to love myself more and support myself more consistently, so when I have those times when I feel that I am looked on as “weak” or “sick”, as if that is all that I am, I have myself and thankfully some dear friends, who think very well of me.

Reply
Martha
8/19/2012 09:22:17 am

Knowing who's safe and who's not is well practiced self perservation. And being able to love oneself gives us the capacity to fend off the demeaning comments. I'm glad you have some dear friends who 'have your back'. We only need a few a good ones! Thanks Tim!

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    Hello,  I'm
    Martha Kilcoyne

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    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

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