...DEFEAT Chronic Fatigue Syndrome: ...............................................................You don't have to live with it
  • Home
  • About
    • This Site
    • Martha
  • Participate
  • Contact
    • Contact Form
    • Submissions
  • Links
  • Book
  • Further Lessons
  • Thanks

SEID/CFS Negativity - Think Dodgeball

10/20/2015

3 Comments

 
Picture© 2015 TSM
Over time, we all develop coping mechanisms – some are more successful than others.  One approach that I’ve used often to deal with SEID/CFS negativity - and negativity for other reasons as well - has been particularly helpful for me.
 
When I’m talking with someone or reading an e-mail, and the other person sends me a stream of negativity – whether they understand what they’re doing or not – I play mental dodgeball.  Remember back to when you were in grade school and you were at recess or in gym cla
ss.  Picture yourself as your kid self.  You’re on the team that’s in the middle and it’s your turn to dodge the ball.
 
Now you see a ball coming right at you.  Your reflexes kick in and you move to your right.  The ball misses, passes by you, and goes on its’ way.  You’ve dodged that ball.  You don’t really care where it goes next.  It’s no longer your concern.
 
So back to that person sending negativity at you.  In your mind, step aside and let it flow past you.  Don’t absorb it, don’t dwell on it, just let it go by.  And yes, sometimes you have to mentally step aside throughout most of a conversation but you learn to not have lots of interaction with that person even if you encounter them frequently in your life.  A wave, a smile, a kind word, then off you go - you don’t hang around long enough to have to dodge negativity.
 
Playing mental dodgeball has become a good strategy for me whether I’m dealing with SEID/CFS negativity or negativity in general.  What strategies do you use?  Please COMMENT on this blog or Send in your thoughts and I’ll post them with your permission.  You can use the Contact Form or send an email to Martha at DefeatCFS dot net.  And Guest Blogs are most welcome!

Look for a weekly posting on Tuesdays.  And consider being part of the conversation.

Be Well Again,


Martha

3 Comments
Tim Boland
10/24/2015 09:41:22 pm


It's interesting Martha that you use the example of dodge ball. As a young boy, I hadn't been so good at sports, as both of my older brothers being much older and my dad working a lot, I didn't get a lot of practice. But when it came to dodgeball, though a bit different than your story, I became very good at throwing it at the other boys and 'nailing' them. I could see them, a bit of apprehension in their eyes, when I got that ball. It was my way of standing up.

I went to my doctor yesterday, who though competent and knowledgeable, has to be one of the world's worst listeners, it is hard to even get a word in. So I used some of that warrior inside, and I asked at the end to talk to him privately. I related to him that I found it hard to ask him questions, but rather than being confrontational, I told him a truth, that fifty years ago things were different, that for me doctors were seen as 'god like figures' and 'authority'. My mother and many of her generation were deeply respectful of doctors, but to the point where a person always deferred to the doctor, not questioning, just doing. I told him that asking questions of him was intimidating for me.

What I said seemed to have had some effect on him. But I chose the other side of the dodge ball equation, as I was very stressed after seeing him, and decided that I cannot be responsible for what others do or say. It is not my fault that he chooses to deal with others as he does, from his manner, I would be surprised if he did not act the authority with nearly all of his patients. Today I did lots of rest and self care.

There is a movie I watch sometimes called Fighter, a kind of biography about a great Korean martial artist, who went through terrible down times, times of humiliation, times of great sadness, yet through ardent perseverance he was able to develop into one of the strongest and finest martial artists ever.

It reminded me that some will be supportive, some will not be, so as much as I can, I gravitate toward those who are supportive, who 'have my back'. And that I too am a fighter.

Reply
Martha
10/25/2015 03:59:26 pm

Tim, I like your offensive dodge ball style and your fighter energy. And speaking up to your provider is solid. Nice. Thanks Tim!

Reply
Tim Boland
10/25/2015 08:42:03 pm

Thank you Martha for your encouragement, and for the blessing which your book has been for me, your always unselfish advice and your fine and thoughtful blog - you are one who truly does for others. I wish you and everyone here abundant good health and happiness.


Your comment will be posted after it is approved.


Leave a Reply.

    Picture
    Hello,  I'm
    Martha Kilcoyne

    Welcome
     to our Community!

    After struggling with CFS for four years I am fortunate now to be fully well and making choices about how I want to live my healthy life.  One choice is to be an active part of the CFS community and to offer one voice from the fully recoverd to the dialogue.  I'm glad you're here!   For more about me, here's my Bio.

      Join Our Community
      Enter your email address to
      follow this blog.

    Join

    For Books, Supplements, Sleep aids and more

    Picture

    Archives

    December 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012
    March 2012
    February 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    September 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011

    Categories

    All
    Appreciation
    Attitude
    Being Positive
    Brain Fog
    Choices
    Community
    Connect
    Coping
    Data
    Diagnosis
    Doctor
    Emotions
    Energy
    First
    Food
    Funding
    Genetics
    Goals
    Gratitude
    Groups
    Guest Blog
    Gut Feelings
    Health
    Helping
    Holidays
    Hope
    Humor
    Immune Support
    Inner Voice
    Ion Channelopathy
    Irony
    Isolation
    Journal
    Log
    Mantra
    Memory
    Mind
    Negativity
    Nutrition
    Opinions
    Organizations
    Outlook
    Pace
    Participate
    Patience
    Patterns
    Personality
    Perspective
    Protocol
    Provider
    Pushing Too Hard
    Pushing Too Hard
    Record
    Recovery
    Relapses
    Research
    Resolutions
    Rest
    Sleep Depravation
    Step By Step
    Step By Step
    Strategies
    Supplements
    Support
    Take Control
    Take Control
    Thankfulness
    Vacation
    Variables
    Version

    RSS Feed

    Picture
    Copyright © 2011-2012
    Triple Spiral MEDIA LLC